Friendship Blues

I call them in my need,

But none of them pays heed,

I call for encouragement,

All I get is estrangement,

I give them my heart,

But they break it apart,

With them I spend my years,

But I only end up in tears,

I reach out to hold,

All I get is a scold,

When I am in despair,

None of them care,

They claim to be my friend,

Not one of them stays till the end,

No matter how much I try,

All I can do is sit and cry,

I feel so sad and blue,

In real need of a clue,

A clue to end this pain,

To put my pieces together again.

(Disclaimer: This does not reflect in any way on my friends who have always been there for me in times of need. I love and value each and every one of my friends and I realize their importance.)

Epitaph for Confidence.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, make a few changes, reverse a few decisions, rectify some mistakes and undo my past. But unfortunately I can't. "Regret", a word which was once an alien, has become the defining word of my life. The happy-go-lucky attitude coupled with the spirit of mischief is lost somewhere. Dwelling on the past is something I have always avoided, but strangely that is what I do all day long. What is it that went wrong? Maybe the stars weren't in my favour. Maybe Lady Luck had stopped liking me. Maybe I needed a change in fortune. And finally the one thing I am afraid of. There is something wrong with me. The one thought that bothers me most. Am I responsible for all the mis-happenings in my life? Am I not good enough to attain what I want? Am I the one picking up fights here? Do I expect so much from others, that they always end up disappointing me? Arising in the mind of a self proclaimed optimist, these questions are really troubling. Every one of these questions makes and indentation in my confidence level. It is always difficult for an egoist to accept his mistakes. Was that the real problem? At times when the frustration level is at its zenith, I lose my cool. I have had many chances but I have wasted them all. I always believed I was capable enough to achieve anything that I aspired for. But now all I can do is show remorse for the wasted opportunities. I have known people who cared for me, but somehow or the other it never works. Now the one big question that looms over is "Am I responsible or is it just another phase?". To be honest, I don't know.