Loving a stone sculpture..

The day we broke up,

Was the day I was shattered,

Slowly as time went by,

A few pieces I gathered,

Putting them together one by one,

I somehow held it together,

And then you came back to me,

Making everything much better.

The wind whispered to me again,

Singing a song of its own,

Even the stars seemed happy,

A little brighter they shone,

And then the fights began again,

Leaving my dreams shattered.

The thirst for love tortured me,

The fury of my ego burned me,

The pain it caused was severe,

But the desire for you was stronger,

Sometimes you were so good,

Sometimes you were so harsh,

Your mood swings left me confused,

And I started getting disillusioned,

Finally I realized that all this while,

I had been loving a stone sculpture.

I wish I could forget you..

Every morning I wake up,

I wish I was beside you,

Every time I think of you

I feel like calling you,

Every mention of you name,

Makes me feel nostalgic,

Every item gifted by you,

Brings back a piece of memory,

Every time I eat Chinese,

I wish I was eating with you,

Every time I see you online,

I feel like pinging you

Every waking moment spent alone,

I spend it dreaming of you,

Every moment spent with people,

I spend it missing you,

Every night before I sleep,

I wish I could somehow forget you.

Time to say Goodbye...

“I'll never see her again. I know that. And she knows that. And knowing this, we say farewell.” 

Every morning as the sun rises over the horizon,

And its rays spread warmth and love across the globe,

I wake up with regret clouding over my heart,

Brooding about how we had drifted so far apart.

As the birds start chirping in their nests,

And butterflies start fluttering their wings,

I wander listlessly along the stream,

Wondering if it was all just a bad dream.

As squirrels dance around the tree trunks,

Searching for nuts hidden in the grass.

I realize I should never have let you slip away.

A mistake which I shall regret until my last day.

As the carefree breeze flows gracefully,

Stroking everything through the fold.

There is nothing I can do but pray 

That we may be friends again someday.

But I know Destiny has had it's say,

That we aren't meant be close in any way.

Languish

No matter how much I yearn,

No one shows any concern,

I cry out to my friends for help,

Not one of them hears my yelp.

A stream of tears runs down my cheek,

As I writhe in pain and grow weak.

Frustration has reached its highest peak,

A little peace and calm is all I seek.

I wish someone would free my soul,

And lead me far from this hellhole.

Figment of imagination

Waking  up from a frozen dream,
I crossed paths with reality,
That is how I destroyed paradise,
And ruined our congeniality.

I was blindfolded by my faith,
And made a puppet by your love,
I believed you were an angel,
Sent to me from Heavens above.

The scripture of love has eroded,
Putting out the fires of my obsession,
There never was any angel of love,
Just a figment of my imagination,

Burning..

My dreams are shattered,
My soul is battered,
Sick of this yearning,
My soul has started burning,

The agony of a broken heart,
The pain of being apart,
The unquenchable thirst for love,
Is pounding my soul from above

It is all too much to endure,
With no possibility of a cure,
I wish I could free my soul,
And escape from this hellhole.

Memories

Strolling down the memory lane,
I relive those moments again,
Moments when we were together,
I wish they could last forever.

When the colours begin to fade,
And loneliness starts to invade,
That is when reflections start,
Why did we drift so much apart?

Will these memories give me light,
Even in dark and stormy night?
Will it stand the test of time,
And leave a print on the sands of time?

Writing on the wall

So many weeks have gone,
Yet I sit here all alone,
I sit and cry here everyday,
With nothing left to say,
Everyone just walks by,
Without even asking why,
I get drenched in the rain,
Screaming and writhing in pain,
But all they do is stand and stare,
I wish even one of them could care.
My misery is written over my face,
Happiness has not even left a trace,
No one is there to answer my call,
No one is there to catch me when I fall,
The mountain of trouble has grown so tall,
It seems my end is a writing on the wall.

Regret...

Three months of fun,

And lots of laughter,

Classes were great fun,

Exams were a disaster.

The early morning chat,

Laughing at a poor joke,

Are all things of the past,

Lost in a cloud of smoke.

Now I am left all alone,

Lost in this wilderness,

With no one to talk to,

Wandering along in darkness.

How I wish I could go back,

To the life I had before,

And get rid of this boredom,

I don't want this anymore.

You don't even know me..

There are so many things
Which you don't know.
All that you can see,
Is the careless look I show.

You only see the sarcasm,
And the happy-go-lucky attitude,
What you cannot see is,
The pain that marks my solitude,

You too believe the illusion,
Deceived by the joyful look,
You do not know the sorrow,
That is the story of my book.

You don't know that I am scared,
That I am haunted by my fears,
You cannot see past the facade,
You are unaware of my tears.

You think you can understand me,
You think you are my friend,
But you don't even know the beginning,
Forget about staying till the end.

I miss you..

You made me laugh,
You made me cry,
I cannot forget you,
Even if I try............

Every time I looked ,
At your innocent face,
My heart started singing,
And dancing with grace...

You were so loving,
You were so sweet,
Everyday I pray,
That somehow we meet....

Now that you are gone,
There is a hole in my heart,
I wish we were together,
And not so far apart..........

I want to meet you,
I want to talk to you,
I want to tell you,
That darling 'I miss you'!

Nostalgia

There were so many times,
When you were there for me,
Through darkness and despair,
You always stood beside me.
Days when we were together,
Through good times and bad,
Thinking about the past,
It makes me gloomy and sad.
The memories never fade,
As day after day passes by,
Remembering the golden days,
My eyes just want to cry.
I  miss those days when,
We would talk for hours on end
But above all these things,
I badly miss my best friend.

Zendagi Migzara

"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with." 

Mark Twain

Nothing can be worse than the feeling of being all alone. The feeling of being lonely. This feeling originates from being in an idle state for long. As they say an idle mind is the devil's abode. This state of idleness creates a vacuum, a strange emptiness. Its like falling in an abyss, trapped inside your own mind.

So many words are left unspoken,

And a loving heart gets broken,

The eyes  shed rivers  of tears,

The rational mind gives in to fears.

Left all alone without a friend,

Waiting for the suffering to end.

The  worst nightmare: A picture of your best friends, with no place for you in the picture. The fear of being abandoned takes over.  It controls you, and distorts your perception. It magnifies your problems. As you watch the moments slipping away, others moving ahead, you feel jealous.

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.  No man is useless as long as he has one friend standing beside him. He'll believe in you even if you have stopped believing in yourself.

Life goes on. "ZENDAGI MIGZARA". The fragments of life are very semantic. You never know what to expect. If nothing is going your way you just have to wait. The wheels of fortune may turn anytime.

Sorry..

I am really sorry,
For making you cry,
I cannot undo it,
Even if I try.
Yes, I have hurt you,
But I didn't mean to,
I have let you down,
But I didn't intend to.
I just wanted to bring,
A smile on your face.
I just wanted to hold you
In a tender embrace.
But every time I tried,
I ended up making a mess,
Breaking your trust,
And causing distress.
All I ask from you,
Is one more chance,
This time I swear,
Their will be no mischance
I make a promise to you,
That I'll make you smile,
I'll make you happy,
In my own sweet style.

Gloom

No matter how much I try,

I cannot defy my fate.

Which seems to have left me,

Standing alone outside the gate.

Walking on an empty street,

Which is surrounded by mist,

Searching for the right path,

Searching for the helpful wrist.

Listening in the chilly wind,

The whisperings of the night,

Which scare me even more,

How to get over my fright?

Lost in a wave of hostility,

Drowned in a pool of sadness,

I am in search of stability,

A little peace and calmness.

Deliverance Denied..

NOTE : "Deliverance Denied " is a continuation to a previous poem "Deliverance". I am writing this only because I feel almost as lost as I felt back then. This is the link to the previous post if you haven't read it:

http://reborn4mdashes.blogspot.com/2010/12/deliverance.html

Someone sitting up there,

Seems to have forgotten me,

All the lucky stars in the skies,

Seem to have forsaken me.

People who were friends once,

Have all become strangers,

Leaving me alone and helpless,

To face life's sharpened daggers.

Sometimes it feels as if,

I've lost my determination,

Traveling alone in the dark,

On the road to perdition

A part living deep inside me,

Which once was an optimist.

Has now abandoned hope,

And has turned a pessimist.

After such a long time,

I am still sitting at the fence,

Deprived of all hope,

Denied of my Deliverance.

Rumble and Mumble

( DISCLAIMER: A flurry of unpredictable, unfathomable and insanely ridiculous occurrences have inspired me to write this insanely nonsensical post. This does not in any way reflect upon either my intelligence or any crackhead who actually makes the effort of reading this )

PART 1: An omnibus of failures.
Chapter 1 : As a kid

Why the hell do I have to go to school? Why do I have to be seated in a 500 square feet classroom ( that is what they call prison for kids) for numerous hours listening to these Modern Day Hitlers posing as teachers ? What does it matter if "A" comes after or before "B" ? Why memorize these alphabets when I can enjoy playing with my toys? The only good thing about education is that they teach you how to count. I am good at counting toys and my birthday presents. Oh God!! I have got two presents less than last year. Shit! Even that idiot SONU, who lives in that red house got more gifts than me. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! And that stupid looking MONU has a pet dog! Why can't I have a pet dog? Papa brought so many toys for me. But I end up breaking all of them. Why do all my toys get broken? I wish I could grow up soon, so I can buy toys for myself.

Chapter 2: As a teen

This word "education" has ruined my life, pestering me ever since I was a kid. Why do Mamma and Papa always keep telling me to study? Why are marks so important? Does the probability of being liked by others increase with your marks? DeeDee scores good marks, that is why everyone likes her so much. Nobody understands me. Teachers punish me without any reason. Mamma and Papa love DeeDee more. All my friends forget me during exams. They all get so busy mugging up books. "Books are your best friend." I too love reading books. Why does it matter if they are story books instead of course books. I don't want to be like my other classmates. All those bookworms. Stooges of teachers! They only remember me when they need an additional player for their football team. Okay I'm not too good at football. To be honest I suck at it. That doesn't mean I have to be the goalkeeper all the time. How am I supposed to get better unless I keep playing it? They think knowing a few fancy names like MANCHESTER UTD, REAL MADRID, ARSENAL, etc and a few strange words like dribble and shoot etc makes them an expert footballer. No problem, none of those hair brained r****ls can beat me at chess. Not even those nerds at school can! And very few of them are good at computer games. I am better than them and that is what makes them jealous. Why do people have to judge you by your marks? I am not a high scorer that doesn't mean I am unintelligent. I have a very sharp brain and a photographic memory. I'll prove it to all of them who mock me now. Someday when I have an opportunity.

Chapter 3: As a "Grown-up"

I use the word grown-up because use of the word "adult" may be misinterpreted. Funny how being "Grown-up" changes one's perspective. It fills you with regret and remorse. How I wish I could UN-GROW myself! It was fun being a kid pampered and loved by mamma and papa. And of course my darling deedee. It was fun playing football with friends even though none of us knew how to play. It was fun arguing with deedee about which one of us was loved more by mamma and papa. All those toys, all those books. I could get anything I wanted. All I had to do was ask for it. Even though I scored low marks, mamma and papa always encouraged me. They always said" You have a sharp brain. Use it for something creative." I wish I had taken their advice. As a teen I had really good friends. We all had our disagreements but at least we enjoyed being with each other. And allowed each other to copy homework. Now all around me I am surrounded by people pretending to be someone else. False faces. That is what I see all around me. I shouldn't have neglected my good friends. I should have valued them . I always believed I'd prove someday that I am a capable person. Someday when I have the opportunity. Opportunity after opportunity kept knocking at the door, but I always neglected them . There will be more. And now that there are none I wish I had taken at least one of the opportunities presented to me. Bloody hell!! I should have done a lot of things!! Maybe that is why, I am all alone today. Maybe that is why I feel like a total failure. Why can't I do whatever I want? Why am I a slave of circumstances? Why?

PART 2: A compendium of successes

Chapter 1 : A time for introspection

If I sounded like a misanthrope in PART 1, please forgive me. Part 1 was about fault finding in others. Blame Game! Now my Spirit has regained its sense of freedom and the optimist inside me is beating the shit out the pessimist who scripted PART 1. Now lets move on to the success story. The high points of my life. My family, which has always supported me. My mamma and papa who have always loved me, much more than I ever acknowledged. My deedee who has always been there for me at all times. And last but not the least my friends, who irritate me so much that I want to wring their neck. Yet they are always there in times of need. I am lucky to have such wonderful people around me.

Chapter 2: A tale of redemption
I have ran out of words. Don't know what to write here. To be honest I haven't redeemed myself yet. So there is nothing to write in the further chapters. This is the end of PART, 2 but not the end of the tale. There is still a success story to be written.

Where am I headed?

I gaze at the blue sky,

And I see a face very wry,

A face seems to be mocking me,

And another seems to be questioning me,

"Where are you headed?"

A question I've always dreaded.

For I myself do not know,

Into fire or into snow.

Walking alone on a path unknown,

With a thousand ideas of my own.

I don't know what lies ahead,

But I'll be walking until I'm dead.

Friendship Blues

I call them in my need,

But none of them pays heed,

I call for encouragement,

All I get is estrangement,

I give them my heart,

But they break it apart,

With them I spend my years,

But I only end up in tears,

I reach out to hold,

All I get is a scold,

When I am in despair,

None of them care,

They claim to be my friend,

Not one of them stays till the end,

No matter how much I try,

All I can do is sit and cry,

I feel so sad and blue,

In real need of a clue,

A clue to end this pain,

To put my pieces together again.

(Disclaimer: This does not reflect in any way on my friends who have always been there for me in times of need. I love and value each and every one of my friends and I realize their importance.)

Epitaph for Confidence.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, make a few changes, reverse a few decisions, rectify some mistakes and undo my past. But unfortunately I can't. "Regret", a word which was once an alien, has become the defining word of my life. The happy-go-lucky attitude coupled with the spirit of mischief is lost somewhere. Dwelling on the past is something I have always avoided, but strangely that is what I do all day long. What is it that went wrong? Maybe the stars weren't in my favour. Maybe Lady Luck had stopped liking me. Maybe I needed a change in fortune. And finally the one thing I am afraid of. There is something wrong with me. The one thought that bothers me most. Am I responsible for all the mis-happenings in my life? Am I not good enough to attain what I want? Am I the one picking up fights here? Do I expect so much from others, that they always end up disappointing me? Arising in the mind of a self proclaimed optimist, these questions are really troubling. Every one of these questions makes and indentation in my confidence level. It is always difficult for an egoist to accept his mistakes. Was that the real problem? At times when the frustration level is at its zenith, I lose my cool. I have had many chances but I have wasted them all. I always believed I was capable enough to achieve anything that I aspired for. But now all I can do is show remorse for the wasted opportunities. I have known people who cared for me, but somehow or the other it never works. Now the one big question that looms over is "Am I responsible or is it just another phase?". To be honest, I don't know.