I am not alone.

I don't have words,

To explain to you,

The feelings I have,

Been hiding from you.

There is so much,

That I cannot say,

I'm searching for words

To tell you all some day.

Every time I look at you,

I'm lost in your eyes,

I'm left speechless,

And my courage flies.

You are on my mind,

Every day and night,

When I am not with you,

Nothing seems to be right.

I had guarded my heart,

With walls of stones,

Strong enough to stand,

All storms and cyclones.

When you walked into my life,

Happiness began to fill my day,

Eating away at my heart's wall,

And the stones began to fall away.

My heart now sings,

A sweet song of love,

You have been sent,

As a blessing from above.

My heart is now warm,

No longer lonely, no longer cold,

It now soars high in the sky,

It has now grown wings of gold.

The happier part of me,

Which I had thought was gone,

You have returned to me,

And now I don't feel alone.

I wish I could show you

What is inside my heart,

I wish we were together,

And not so far apart.

Gloom

No matter how much I try,

I cannot defy my fate.

Which seems to have left me,

Standing alone outside the gate.

Walking on an empty street,

Which is surrounded by mist,

Searching for the right path,

Searching for the helpful wrist.

Listening in the chilly wind,

The whisperings of the night,

Which scare me even more,

How to get over my fright?

Lost in a wave of hostility,

Drowned in a pool of sadness,

I am in search of stability,

A little peace and calmness.

The 4-lettered word.

Every human life is controlled by a 4 lettered word. A hopeless romantic would say this word is LOVE. A sexually frustrated youth would say its F**K. An optimist would say its HOPE. A self proclaimed genius would say its MIND. A foolhardy person would say its WILL. If you come under any of the above said embodiments, please do not take offence in what I'm about to say. Anyone who believes his life is controlled by anything other than FATE, is a fool living in a fantasy world. FATE is not just any other 4-lettered word. It is "the 4-lettered word".

FATE is the ultimate agency that predetermines the course of events, the successes and failures, and even the smallest turns in our lives. It is the quintessential of the concept of divinity. Fate can make your life or screw it completely within a blink of an eye. Fate is an "acclaimed" sadist and a "renowned" misanthrope. It crawls surreptitiously behind us and the best-laid plans of mice and men often go astray.

As a kid, I sincerely believed in the old saying "Men are makers of their destiny.". In my experience I have never been able to choose my destiny nor have I seen anyone else do so. Many are deluded into believing Fate's choices to be their own. Not even the smartest and the strongest of mortals can defy Fate. We can either resign ourselves to our fate and face it like a coward. Or we can choose our own path. No matter what path we take the end will be the same. Fate will have its say. But at least we'll have no regrets. There will be no lingering doubts about "what might have happened." The extent of our courage is limited not only by our ability to defy Fate in adverse circumstances, but also to embrace whatever Fate has in store for us. We may not control what happens in our life, but we can control how we live our life.

Soulmate

Every time I look at her,

My heart skips a beat.

I could keep watching her,

And even forget to eat.

Every time my phone rings,

How I wish it was her call.

I'd miss anything to answer it,

Even cricket and football.

Every time I get online,

I instantly search her name,

Just to chat with her,

I can quit playing any game.

Every time I go to bed,

I make my wish to Lord,

I only wish for her happiness,

Not a Mercedes or a Ford.

Every time I see her sad,

Something inside me burns

To get her smile back,

I'd take a million turns.

Every time I see her smile,

I feel so much alive,

My spirit feels so free,

It begins to dance the jive.

Every time I think of her,

I wish I could be with her,

Not just as a friend,

But as a soulmate forever.

Deliverance Denied..

NOTE : "Deliverance Denied " is a continuation to a previous poem "Deliverance". I am writing this only because I feel almost as lost as I felt back then. This is the link to the previous post if you haven't read it:

http://reborn4mdashes.blogspot.com/2010/12/deliverance.html

Someone sitting up there,

Seems to have forgotten me,

All the lucky stars in the skies,

Seem to have forsaken me.

People who were friends once,

Have all become strangers,

Leaving me alone and helpless,

To face life's sharpened daggers.

Sometimes it feels as if,

I've lost my determination,

Traveling alone in the dark,

On the road to perdition

A part living deep inside me,

Which once was an optimist.

Has now abandoned hope,

And has turned a pessimist.

After such a long time,

I am still sitting at the fence,

Deprived of all hope,

Denied of my Deliverance.

Lady Luck

Memories of the time spent with you,

Did not leave me alone like you.

They live inside me in my heart,

Burning it and ripping it apart.

Each and every passing moment,

Pauses and increases my torment.

Sending shivers down my spine,

Pain has become a part of mine.

Everyday I dream of your return,

How I wish for the tables to turn.

I want my Lady Luck by my side,

So that I no longer have to hide.

I want to make up with you my love,

You are my angel, you are my dove.

Rumble and Mumble

( DISCLAIMER: A flurry of unpredictable, unfathomable and insanely ridiculous occurrences have inspired me to write this insanely nonsensical post. This does not in any way reflect upon either my intelligence or any crackhead who actually makes the effort of reading this )

PART 1: An omnibus of failures.
Chapter 1 : As a kid

Why the hell do I have to go to school? Why do I have to be seated in a 500 square feet classroom ( that is what they call prison for kids) for numerous hours listening to these Modern Day Hitlers posing as teachers ? What does it matter if "A" comes after or before "B" ? Why memorize these alphabets when I can enjoy playing with my toys? The only good thing about education is that they teach you how to count. I am good at counting toys and my birthday presents. Oh God!! I have got two presents less than last year. Shit! Even that idiot SONU, who lives in that red house got more gifts than me. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! And that stupid looking MONU has a pet dog! Why can't I have a pet dog? Papa brought so many toys for me. But I end up breaking all of them. Why do all my toys get broken? I wish I could grow up soon, so I can buy toys for myself.

Chapter 2: As a teen

This word "education" has ruined my life, pestering me ever since I was a kid. Why do Mamma and Papa always keep telling me to study? Why are marks so important? Does the probability of being liked by others increase with your marks? DeeDee scores good marks, that is why everyone likes her so much. Nobody understands me. Teachers punish me without any reason. Mamma and Papa love DeeDee more. All my friends forget me during exams. They all get so busy mugging up books. "Books are your best friend." I too love reading books. Why does it matter if they are story books instead of course books. I don't want to be like my other classmates. All those bookworms. Stooges of teachers! They only remember me when they need an additional player for their football team. Okay I'm not too good at football. To be honest I suck at it. That doesn't mean I have to be the goalkeeper all the time. How am I supposed to get better unless I keep playing it? They think knowing a few fancy names like MANCHESTER UTD, REAL MADRID, ARSENAL, etc and a few strange words like dribble and shoot etc makes them an expert footballer. No problem, none of those hair brained r****ls can beat me at chess. Not even those nerds at school can! And very few of them are good at computer games. I am better than them and that is what makes them jealous. Why do people have to judge you by your marks? I am not a high scorer that doesn't mean I am unintelligent. I have a very sharp brain and a photographic memory. I'll prove it to all of them who mock me now. Someday when I have an opportunity.

Chapter 3: As a "Grown-up"

I use the word grown-up because use of the word "adult" may be misinterpreted. Funny how being "Grown-up" changes one's perspective. It fills you with regret and remorse. How I wish I could UN-GROW myself! It was fun being a kid pampered and loved by mamma and papa. And of course my darling deedee. It was fun playing football with friends even though none of us knew how to play. It was fun arguing with deedee about which one of us was loved more by mamma and papa. All those toys, all those books. I could get anything I wanted. All I had to do was ask for it. Even though I scored low marks, mamma and papa always encouraged me. They always said" You have a sharp brain. Use it for something creative." I wish I had taken their advice. As a teen I had really good friends. We all had our disagreements but at least we enjoyed being with each other. And allowed each other to copy homework. Now all around me I am surrounded by people pretending to be someone else. False faces. That is what I see all around me. I shouldn't have neglected my good friends. I should have valued them . I always believed I'd prove someday that I am a capable person. Someday when I have the opportunity. Opportunity after opportunity kept knocking at the door, but I always neglected them . There will be more. And now that there are none I wish I had taken at least one of the opportunities presented to me. Bloody hell!! I should have done a lot of things!! Maybe that is why, I am all alone today. Maybe that is why I feel like a total failure. Why can't I do whatever I want? Why am I a slave of circumstances? Why?

PART 2: A compendium of successes

Chapter 1 : A time for introspection

If I sounded like a misanthrope in PART 1, please forgive me. Part 1 was about fault finding in others. Blame Game! Now my Spirit has regained its sense of freedom and the optimist inside me is beating the shit out the pessimist who scripted PART 1. Now lets move on to the success story. The high points of my life. My family, which has always supported me. My mamma and papa who have always loved me, much more than I ever acknowledged. My deedee who has always been there for me at all times. And last but not the least my friends, who irritate me so much that I want to wring their neck. Yet they are always there in times of need. I am lucky to have such wonderful people around me.

Chapter 2: A tale of redemption
I have ran out of words. Don't know what to write here. To be honest I haven't redeemed myself yet. So there is nothing to write in the further chapters. This is the end of PART, 2 but not the end of the tale. There is still a success story to be written.

Orchard

Sitting alone in an orchard,

I observe a diligent bird,

As it flutters its wings,

And a lovely song it sings.

Sitting alone in an orchard,

I observe a beautiful butterfly,

As it sits on radiant flowers,

And stays there for long hours.

Sitting alone in an orchard,

I observe a busy squirrel,

As it searches the grass for nuts,

Making its own path and shortcuts.

Sitting alone in an orchard,

I can feel the carefree breeze,

As it flows gracefully through the fold,

Feeling pleasant and a little cold.

Sitting alone in an orchard,

I watch the mighty sun,

As it moves down the horizon,

Making a promise to return.

Sitting alone in an orchard,

I get a feeling of being lost,

As I sit idly biding my time,

And writing this stupid rhyme.

Part of "The Story"

Success, failure, friendship, love, heartbreak, misery despair, sudden happiness and hope; these are all part of the story. The story of life. Every life, no matter how long or how short, how big or how small has its own story, There is a beginning and an end. Each beginning and end have their own story to tell. A story of how it all begun.. or how the end came. Its a story of continuity...the story of life. Each one of us is tangled in one's own stories of beginning or end. Its a bunch of stories meshed together to form a vast net in which one is caught.

Every night ushers in a beautiful morning and promises us a new story, every night also narrates the tale of a day lived. And life is lived between these two extremities...the beginning and the end. Two sides of the same coin. They always go together but they never meet. In the early hours of the morning the sun seeks over the horizon creating an aura about itself. The bringer of light and hope, the promise of a new beginning. The moon portrays a picture of calmness and serenity. It tells us how peaceful and quiet the end can be. It's a never ending cycle; this cycle of day and night, beginning and end, the cycle of life.

The beginning is generally promising and the end is mostly quiet. It is what comes in between that creates the most fascinating of all tales. The Best Story among the multitude. Just like the beginning and the end, it has a story of its own to narrate.

Stories of the joys shared, of the laughter that echoed through the tunnel of time, of the sorrows forgotten and the pain erased by love. Tales of the million unfulfilled dreams, of the unspoken desires, of the friendships formed, of the enemies made, and of so much more. From a broken toy to a crashed car, from the lullabies to the dance numbers, from mom's scoldings to employer's reprimands, every minute of life has infinite possibilities. What could have happened? What actually happened? And what may happen? These questions are immaterial, for whatever happens its all predestined. Its all written by the maker's skilled hand. Its all part of the story. A story which we cannot change.

Where am I headed?

I gaze at the blue sky,

And I see a face very wry,

A face seems to be mocking me,

And another seems to be questioning me,

"Where are you headed?"

A question I've always dreaded.

For I myself do not know,

Into fire or into snow.

Walking alone on a path unknown,

With a thousand ideas of my own.

I don't know what lies ahead,

But I'll be walking until I'm dead.