New Year Resolutions

"What can be said in New Year rhymes,
That's not been said a thousand times?"

An hour before midnight we lounge on the couch, distracted, tuning the best channels to watch New Year’s Eve fireworks, bursting with exuberance into the sky, circling the world. That exciting intangible something, witnessing global celebrations.
This is the illusion.

The ugly truth: We start our new years lazing on the couch, sending texts, watching stupid TV shows etc etc etc........ And some of us are so drunk that we don't even know when the clock struck 12.

Now just like every year I have a whole new set of resolutions. A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. Still I have given the list a fair amount of thought (probably much more than it deserves).
So, here I go...

1) To tolerate fools more gladly (provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.)
2) I resolve to stop complaining about everything. (unless something doesn't really piss me off)
3) Start smoking to lose weight (I am not fat!! Just a bit on the bulkier side)
4) No booze (in the afternoon)
5) No slang ( not unless its absolutely needed)

And last but MOST IMPORTANT

6) I promise to stick to these resolutions for more than a week :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012

Being Wishful

I really value our friendship ,
But you mean so much more.
Among a crowd of faces,
Yours is the one I adore.
If I had the divine power,
To make a small change,
Then us being together,
Is what I would arrange.
I can wait a life time,
Just to be with you,
Don't ask me the reason,

'Coz I am in love with you.

Hungry Shakespeare?

 To eat, or not to eat: that is the question:
Whether it is nobler to let  the tummy suffer
The bursts and pangs of irrepressible hunger,
Or to grab a snack to end all the trouble.
And to satisfy the hunger? To eat: to sleep;

Nostalgia

There were so many times,
When you were there for me,
Through darkness and despair,
You always stood beside me.
Days when we were together,
Through good times and bad,
Thinking about the past,
It makes me gloomy and sad.
The memories never fade,
As day after day passes by,
Remembering the golden days,
My eyes just want to cry.
I  miss those days when,
We would talk for hours on end
But above all these things,
I badly miss my best friend.

Zendagi Migzara

"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with." 

Mark Twain

Nothing can be worse than the feeling of being all alone. The feeling of being lonely. This feeling originates from being in an idle state for long. As they say an idle mind is the devil's abode. This state of idleness creates a vacuum, a strange emptiness. Its like falling in an abyss, trapped inside your own mind.

So many words are left unspoken,

And a loving heart gets broken,

The eyes  shed rivers  of tears,

The rational mind gives in to fears.

Left all alone without a friend,

Waiting for the suffering to end.

The  worst nightmare: A picture of your best friends, with no place for you in the picture. The fear of being abandoned takes over.  It controls you, and distorts your perception. It magnifies your problems. As you watch the moments slipping away, others moving ahead, you feel jealous.

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.  No man is useless as long as he has one friend standing beside him. He'll believe in you even if you have stopped believing in yourself.

Life goes on. "ZENDAGI MIGZARA". The fragments of life are very semantic. You never know what to expect. If nothing is going your way you just have to wait. The wheels of fortune may turn anytime.

I wanted to kill Lizzie!

Now before you jump to any conclusions, let me make it clear that this is not some stupid murder mystery that I concocted. Lizzie refers to the lizard I killed. Rather I should say, I wanted to kill. I don't think any living creature disgusts me more than lizards. I don't know if it is because of the dirty yellow colour, or the bulging eyes,  or the crawly way in which it moves. I just despise them!!!!!

My dislike for lizards dates back to the time when I was at school. Back then I was an early riser. Anyone who knows me well will find it incredible. ME!! An early riser?? No way! A person who religiously follows Mr Owls sleeping habits could never have been an early riser. But incredible as it may sound its true, When I was at school I woke up with Mr Rooster's call. A few years later I found out that Mr Rooster tastes better than he sounds. So without discussing more about my eating or sleeping habits I'll continue talking about lizards.

I was in the habit of taking a bath early in the morning before leaving for school.  On a chilly December morning, after taking my routine bath I was lazing on the chair when the catastrophe occurred. POP! A lizard fell on my head! Nothing worst can happen to you on a cold day. I had to shampoo my hair. Hence I was in a cranky mood. I got dressed up for school and just as I was leaving another lizard jumped down. Thankfully, this time it didn't land on any part of my body, but still I got an urge to stamp it. Although I resisted the urge, but a feeling of enmity got rooted in my heart.During my college days the very sight of the creature bothered me. Every night before I went to sleep I made sure no lizard was lurking in the corners.

A while ago I was watching the Christian Bale and Gerrard Butler starrer "Reign of fire". A few minutes to the climax and a small lizard landed just beside my laptop. The disturbance angered me immensely and I decided it was time to teach little Lizzie a lesson. I fetched a long and thick register and smacked it with all my power. The little devil escaped alive but left behind it's tail. Autotomy! Strange how one can never remember these words in biology exams but they flash into your mind immediately when its no use.  I wanted to kill it but I wasn't going to pause the movie for the effort. Anyway, I believe a lost tail is punishment enough and decided not to look for Lizzie.

Kabab mein Ungli

The world is full of weirdos, and I am one of them. A very recent incident made me realize that little occurrences can change your perspective.

I had been busy the whole day and decided to relax myself in the best possible way. Tandoori chicken!! I don't generally like eating alone but on this particular occasion I decided that my body really needed this medicine. So I walked into Moti Mahal and ordered the same.

Just then a kid walked in with his parents and occupied a table not very far from my own. When I say kid I don't exactly mean a toddler.  He must be in class 6th or 7th. He flashed me a smile while taking his seat. Being the polite and affable person that I am, I returned the smile. I am not used to sitting alone waiting for food, so I decided to listen to some music to pass time. I didn't notice this for a while, but the kid was staring at me continuously. I ignored it and focused on the melodious voice of Kishoreda. Every time I turned I saw the kid with a curious look on his face staring at me. His parents were discussing something which obviously didn't interest him much.

After a while I saw the waiter approaching with the delicious looking tandoori. Naturally my eyes lit up, and my stomach gave a little growl in anticipation. The wait had acted as fuel to the fire. To my astonishment the waiter stopped at the kid's table and served the tandoori to him. To add insult to my agony the stupid kid flashed me a triumphant smile and licked his lips. Yes the brat actually licked his lips!! No decent kid does that. I felt a pang of jealousy. I called the waiter and asked him harshly about my order. He said it would take 5-10 minutes more. I felt like strangling him!! I mean I was the one who ordered first, I was the one who was patiently waiting for it instead of staring at others. I looked at the kid and there he was gobbling at the tandoori. Wicked kid!!

This was the precise moment when I realized I hate kids! Especially the ones who go about irritating friendly strangers. And the ones who gobble tasty food without even appreciating it. And then the Tandoori was served. The smell of it subsided my anger. It looked very very delicious! I looked at the kid who was eyeing at my tandoori now. I gave him one of those "murderous" looks described in The Godfather. The kid gave me an amused look. I ignored it and focused on the culinary delight resting at my table. I had only finished half of it when the kid and his family got up, paid the bill and made way towards the gate. Suddenly the kid turned and gave me the finger! Can you imagine, the kid gave ME the finger!! I wish he gets thrashed by his teachers at his school everyday, even get thrown out of school. What a jerk!!!

Moral of the story: Never return a smile unless its to a girl. Don't go to restaurant alone, and if you do please don't look around. Last and MOST important: Never give the finger to a stranger. It infuriates them. I have been guilty of the last on quite a few occasions and I found it quite funny. People giving you those angry looks. Recently my views have changed.

PS: I think  "Kabab mein Ungli" sounds better though it should be "Tandoori mein Ungli"

Sorry..

I am really sorry,
For making you cry,
I cannot undo it,
Even if I try.
Yes, I have hurt you,
But I didn't mean to,
I have let you down,
But I didn't intend to.
I just wanted to bring,
A smile on your face.
I just wanted to hold you
In a tender embrace.
But every time I tried,
I ended up making a mess,
Breaking your trust,
And causing distress.
All I ask from you,
Is one more chance,
This time I swear,
Their will be no mischance
I make a promise to you,
That I'll make you smile,
I'll make you happy,
In my own sweet style.

SLEEPING THEOREM :)

My life is funny - like a sitcom. But real - unlike a sitcom.

Whenever something unexpected happens in my life, I normally take some time before reacting. It takes a while for things to “sink in”, so to speak. I’m not sure why this is. A lot of times, I do not react at all and instead “sleep on it” . I lie in bed thinking about it, trying to get my thoughts and feelings figured out. It doesn’t always help, because the more I use my brain, the more tired I get and "sweet sleep" takes over.

Something unprecedented happened today. All it took was a phone call to raise me from my slumber. A friend calling to get someone's number. Feeling a bit groggy, I washed up my face and woke up my laptop from sleep. It was 4 in the morning! I thought, something must be wrong with it. The last time I had checked the hands were both at 12. I checked the time in my cell phone. Last call received 3:58! I had slept for nearly 4 hours on a chair. Anyone who is familiar with my routine would agree with me when I say that it is an unusual occurrence.You might say "Falling asleep on a chair is no big deal". Were it in a classroom this would surely be no big deal, but when you are at home and you have a very comfortable bed it is no mean feat. It just goes on to show that my entire being is accustomed to lethargy, and when it is stressed it switches itself off without even bothering to notify me.

This is not an isolated incident. My sleeping habits have been a cause of concern in my family.As a kid I had a tendency of falling asleep at odd times and places. However I'll focus only on recent occurrences.

18th September 2011. I specifically remember the date because I had appeared for the ONGC entrance test that day. A bit of brain-work and net result I slept through an earthquake that occurred sometime in the evening.

2007-2011: Before every exam I needed sleep to refresh my mind and give it some time to process the topics studied. After every exam, I needed a nap. Unlike other students who lose a lot of sleep during exams, I slept more than 12 hours a day during exam time. But never before had I slept on a chair!!

Looking back at the past 4 years and taking into account today's happening I have concluded that "THE NO OF HOURS OF SLEEP REQUIRED IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE AMOUNT OF BRAINWORK, AND WHEN THE BRAINWORK REACHES A CRITICAL POINT THE BRAIN STOPS FUNCTIONING AND SWEET SLEEP TAKES OVER"

This is known as "SLEEPING THEOREM"

Childhood Days

It was born from an egg so small,

That could have broken at a fall,

It slowly grows bright, dazzling wings

And among the flowers it swings,

So free is the spirit of the butterfly,

It makes me wish that I could fly.

When I was a child I too was free,

I could chase squirrels around the trees,

Although I had no wings and couldn't fly,

But I was still free like a butterfly.

Every time my eyes shed a tear,

My mother was there to wipe it clear,

My darling sister who is so dear,

She would always keep me very near.

Even when the distance seemed a mile,

My father would hold my hands and smile.

I remember all the good and happy times,

Spent with toys and nursery rhymes,

I will never forget that phase of life,

Childhood days are the best days of life.

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY

Confused Teen

I make mistakes,

I have my flaws

I have never been,

Good at following laws.

I may not be perfect,

I may not be pristine,

But, I am not the devil,

Just a confused teen.

I try to be better,

I try to be good,

Sometimes I am imprudent,

When I am in a bad mood.

I may have sinned,

But now I come clean,

Forgive my insolence,

I am a confused teen.

If

If you have the courage,

To dream and desire,

If you have the will,

And the strength to aspire,

If you have enough faith,

In your capabilities,

You'll achieve your goal,

Despite all difficulties.

If you have the heart,

And the desire to try,

If you can face defeat,

And yet not cry,

If you have the belief,

In the power of actions

You'll achieve success,

Even in adverse conditions

I am not alone.

I don't have words,

To explain to you,

The feelings I have,

Been hiding from you.

There is so much,

That I cannot say,

I'm searching for words

To tell you all some day.

Every time I look at you,

I'm lost in your eyes,

I'm left speechless,

And my courage flies.

You are on my mind,

Every day and night,

When I am not with you,

Nothing seems to be right.

I had guarded my heart,

With walls of stones,

Strong enough to stand,

All storms and cyclones.

When you walked into my life,

Happiness began to fill my day,

Eating away at my heart's wall,

And the stones began to fall away.

My heart now sings,

A sweet song of love,

You have been sent,

As a blessing from above.

My heart is now warm,

No longer lonely, no longer cold,

It now soars high in the sky,

It has now grown wings of gold.

The happier part of me,

Which I had thought was gone,

You have returned to me,

And now I don't feel alone.

I wish I could show you

What is inside my heart,

I wish we were together,

And not so far apart.

Gloom

No matter how much I try,

I cannot defy my fate.

Which seems to have left me,

Standing alone outside the gate.

Walking on an empty street,

Which is surrounded by mist,

Searching for the right path,

Searching for the helpful wrist.

Listening in the chilly wind,

The whisperings of the night,

Which scare me even more,

How to get over my fright?

Lost in a wave of hostility,

Drowned in a pool of sadness,

I am in search of stability,

A little peace and calmness.

The 4-lettered word.

Every human life is controlled by a 4 lettered word. A hopeless romantic would say this word is LOVE. A sexually frustrated youth would say its F**K. An optimist would say its HOPE. A self proclaimed genius would say its MIND. A foolhardy person would say its WILL. If you come under any of the above said embodiments, please do not take offence in what I'm about to say. Anyone who believes his life is controlled by anything other than FATE, is a fool living in a fantasy world. FATE is not just any other 4-lettered word. It is "the 4-lettered word".

FATE is the ultimate agency that predetermines the course of events, the successes and failures, and even the smallest turns in our lives. It is the quintessential of the concept of divinity. Fate can make your life or screw it completely within a blink of an eye. Fate is an "acclaimed" sadist and a "renowned" misanthrope. It crawls surreptitiously behind us and the best-laid plans of mice and men often go astray.

As a kid, I sincerely believed in the old saying "Men are makers of their destiny.". In my experience I have never been able to choose my destiny nor have I seen anyone else do so. Many are deluded into believing Fate's choices to be their own. Not even the smartest and the strongest of mortals can defy Fate. We can either resign ourselves to our fate and face it like a coward. Or we can choose our own path. No matter what path we take the end will be the same. Fate will have its say. But at least we'll have no regrets. There will be no lingering doubts about "what might have happened." The extent of our courage is limited not only by our ability to defy Fate in adverse circumstances, but also to embrace whatever Fate has in store for us. We may not control what happens in our life, but we can control how we live our life.

Soulmate

Every time I look at her,

My heart skips a beat.

I could keep watching her,

And even forget to eat.

Every time my phone rings,

How I wish it was her call.

I'd miss anything to answer it,

Even cricket and football.

Every time I get online,

I instantly search her name,

Just to chat with her,

I can quit playing any game.

Every time I go to bed,

I make my wish to Lord,

I only wish for her happiness,

Not a Mercedes or a Ford.

Every time I see her sad,

Something inside me burns

To get her smile back,

I'd take a million turns.

Every time I see her smile,

I feel so much alive,

My spirit feels so free,

It begins to dance the jive.

Every time I think of her,

I wish I could be with her,

Not just as a friend,

But as a soulmate forever.

Deliverance Denied..

NOTE : "Deliverance Denied " is a continuation to a previous poem "Deliverance". I am writing this only because I feel almost as lost as I felt back then. This is the link to the previous post if you haven't read it:

http://reborn4mdashes.blogspot.com/2010/12/deliverance.html

Someone sitting up there,

Seems to have forgotten me,

All the lucky stars in the skies,

Seem to have forsaken me.

People who were friends once,

Have all become strangers,

Leaving me alone and helpless,

To face life's sharpened daggers.

Sometimes it feels as if,

I've lost my determination,

Traveling alone in the dark,

On the road to perdition

A part living deep inside me,

Which once was an optimist.

Has now abandoned hope,

And has turned a pessimist.

After such a long time,

I am still sitting at the fence,

Deprived of all hope,

Denied of my Deliverance.

Lady Luck

Memories of the time spent with you,

Did not leave me alone like you.

They live inside me in my heart,

Burning it and ripping it apart.

Each and every passing moment,

Pauses and increases my torment.

Sending shivers down my spine,

Pain has become a part of mine.

Everyday I dream of your return,

How I wish for the tables to turn.

I want my Lady Luck by my side,

So that I no longer have to hide.

I want to make up with you my love,

You are my angel, you are my dove.

Rumble and Mumble

( DISCLAIMER: A flurry of unpredictable, unfathomable and insanely ridiculous occurrences have inspired me to write this insanely nonsensical post. This does not in any way reflect upon either my intelligence or any crackhead who actually makes the effort of reading this )

PART 1: An omnibus of failures.
Chapter 1 : As a kid

Why the hell do I have to go to school? Why do I have to be seated in a 500 square feet classroom ( that is what they call prison for kids) for numerous hours listening to these Modern Day Hitlers posing as teachers ? What does it matter if "A" comes after or before "B" ? Why memorize these alphabets when I can enjoy playing with my toys? The only good thing about education is that they teach you how to count. I am good at counting toys and my birthday presents. Oh God!! I have got two presents less than last year. Shit! Even that idiot SONU, who lives in that red house got more gifts than me. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! And that stupid looking MONU has a pet dog! Why can't I have a pet dog? Papa brought so many toys for me. But I end up breaking all of them. Why do all my toys get broken? I wish I could grow up soon, so I can buy toys for myself.

Chapter 2: As a teen

This word "education" has ruined my life, pestering me ever since I was a kid. Why do Mamma and Papa always keep telling me to study? Why are marks so important? Does the probability of being liked by others increase with your marks? DeeDee scores good marks, that is why everyone likes her so much. Nobody understands me. Teachers punish me without any reason. Mamma and Papa love DeeDee more. All my friends forget me during exams. They all get so busy mugging up books. "Books are your best friend." I too love reading books. Why does it matter if they are story books instead of course books. I don't want to be like my other classmates. All those bookworms. Stooges of teachers! They only remember me when they need an additional player for their football team. Okay I'm not too good at football. To be honest I suck at it. That doesn't mean I have to be the goalkeeper all the time. How am I supposed to get better unless I keep playing it? They think knowing a few fancy names like MANCHESTER UTD, REAL MADRID, ARSENAL, etc and a few strange words like dribble and shoot etc makes them an expert footballer. No problem, none of those hair brained r****ls can beat me at chess. Not even those nerds at school can! And very few of them are good at computer games. I am better than them and that is what makes them jealous. Why do people have to judge you by your marks? I am not a high scorer that doesn't mean I am unintelligent. I have a very sharp brain and a photographic memory. I'll prove it to all of them who mock me now. Someday when I have an opportunity.

Chapter 3: As a "Grown-up"

I use the word grown-up because use of the word "adult" may be misinterpreted. Funny how being "Grown-up" changes one's perspective. It fills you with regret and remorse. How I wish I could UN-GROW myself! It was fun being a kid pampered and loved by mamma and papa. And of course my darling deedee. It was fun playing football with friends even though none of us knew how to play. It was fun arguing with deedee about which one of us was loved more by mamma and papa. All those toys, all those books. I could get anything I wanted. All I had to do was ask for it. Even though I scored low marks, mamma and papa always encouraged me. They always said" You have a sharp brain. Use it for something creative." I wish I had taken their advice. As a teen I had really good friends. We all had our disagreements but at least we enjoyed being with each other. And allowed each other to copy homework. Now all around me I am surrounded by people pretending to be someone else. False faces. That is what I see all around me. I shouldn't have neglected my good friends. I should have valued them . I always believed I'd prove someday that I am a capable person. Someday when I have the opportunity. Opportunity after opportunity kept knocking at the door, but I always neglected them . There will be more. And now that there are none I wish I had taken at least one of the opportunities presented to me. Bloody hell!! I should have done a lot of things!! Maybe that is why, I am all alone today. Maybe that is why I feel like a total failure. Why can't I do whatever I want? Why am I a slave of circumstances? Why?

PART 2: A compendium of successes

Chapter 1 : A time for introspection

If I sounded like a misanthrope in PART 1, please forgive me. Part 1 was about fault finding in others. Blame Game! Now my Spirit has regained its sense of freedom and the optimist inside me is beating the shit out the pessimist who scripted PART 1. Now lets move on to the success story. The high points of my life. My family, which has always supported me. My mamma and papa who have always loved me, much more than I ever acknowledged. My deedee who has always been there for me at all times. And last but not the least my friends, who irritate me so much that I want to wring their neck. Yet they are always there in times of need. I am lucky to have such wonderful people around me.

Chapter 2: A tale of redemption
I have ran out of words. Don't know what to write here. To be honest I haven't redeemed myself yet. So there is nothing to write in the further chapters. This is the end of PART, 2 but not the end of the tale. There is still a success story to be written.

Orchard

Sitting alone in an orchard,

I observe a diligent bird,

As it flutters its wings,

And a lovely song it sings.

Sitting alone in an orchard,

I observe a beautiful butterfly,

As it sits on radiant flowers,

And stays there for long hours.

Sitting alone in an orchard,

I observe a busy squirrel,

As it searches the grass for nuts,

Making its own path and shortcuts.

Sitting alone in an orchard,

I can feel the carefree breeze,

As it flows gracefully through the fold,

Feeling pleasant and a little cold.

Sitting alone in an orchard,

I watch the mighty sun,

As it moves down the horizon,

Making a promise to return.

Sitting alone in an orchard,

I get a feeling of being lost,

As I sit idly biding my time,

And writing this stupid rhyme.

Part of "The Story"

Success, failure, friendship, love, heartbreak, misery despair, sudden happiness and hope; these are all part of the story. The story of life. Every life, no matter how long or how short, how big or how small has its own story, There is a beginning and an end. Each beginning and end have their own story to tell. A story of how it all begun.. or how the end came. Its a story of continuity...the story of life. Each one of us is tangled in one's own stories of beginning or end. Its a bunch of stories meshed together to form a vast net in which one is caught.

Every night ushers in a beautiful morning and promises us a new story, every night also narrates the tale of a day lived. And life is lived between these two extremities...the beginning and the end. Two sides of the same coin. They always go together but they never meet. In the early hours of the morning the sun seeks over the horizon creating an aura about itself. The bringer of light and hope, the promise of a new beginning. The moon portrays a picture of calmness and serenity. It tells us how peaceful and quiet the end can be. It's a never ending cycle; this cycle of day and night, beginning and end, the cycle of life.

The beginning is generally promising and the end is mostly quiet. It is what comes in between that creates the most fascinating of all tales. The Best Story among the multitude. Just like the beginning and the end, it has a story of its own to narrate.

Stories of the joys shared, of the laughter that echoed through the tunnel of time, of the sorrows forgotten and the pain erased by love. Tales of the million unfulfilled dreams, of the unspoken desires, of the friendships formed, of the enemies made, and of so much more. From a broken toy to a crashed car, from the lullabies to the dance numbers, from mom's scoldings to employer's reprimands, every minute of life has infinite possibilities. What could have happened? What actually happened? And what may happen? These questions are immaterial, for whatever happens its all predestined. Its all written by the maker's skilled hand. Its all part of the story. A story which we cannot change.

Where am I headed?

I gaze at the blue sky,

And I see a face very wry,

A face seems to be mocking me,

And another seems to be questioning me,

"Where are you headed?"

A question I've always dreaded.

For I myself do not know,

Into fire or into snow.

Walking alone on a path unknown,

With a thousand ideas of my own.

I don't know what lies ahead,

But I'll be walking until I'm dead.

Friendship Blues

I call them in my need,

But none of them pays heed,

I call for encouragement,

All I get is estrangement,

I give them my heart,

But they break it apart,

With them I spend my years,

But I only end up in tears,

I reach out to hold,

All I get is a scold,

When I am in despair,

None of them care,

They claim to be my friend,

Not one of them stays till the end,

No matter how much I try,

All I can do is sit and cry,

I feel so sad and blue,

In real need of a clue,

A clue to end this pain,

To put my pieces together again.

(Disclaimer: This does not reflect in any way on my friends who have always been there for me in times of need. I love and value each and every one of my friends and I realize their importance.)

Epitaph for Confidence.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, make a few changes, reverse a few decisions, rectify some mistakes and undo my past. But unfortunately I can't. "Regret", a word which was once an alien, has become the defining word of my life. The happy-go-lucky attitude coupled with the spirit of mischief is lost somewhere. Dwelling on the past is something I have always avoided, but strangely that is what I do all day long. What is it that went wrong? Maybe the stars weren't in my favour. Maybe Lady Luck had stopped liking me. Maybe I needed a change in fortune. And finally the one thing I am afraid of. There is something wrong with me. The one thought that bothers me most. Am I responsible for all the mis-happenings in my life? Am I not good enough to attain what I want? Am I the one picking up fights here? Do I expect so much from others, that they always end up disappointing me? Arising in the mind of a self proclaimed optimist, these questions are really troubling. Every one of these questions makes and indentation in my confidence level. It is always difficult for an egoist to accept his mistakes. Was that the real problem? At times when the frustration level is at its zenith, I lose my cool. I have had many chances but I have wasted them all. I always believed I was capable enough to achieve anything that I aspired for. But now all I can do is show remorse for the wasted opportunities. I have known people who cared for me, but somehow or the other it never works. Now the one big question that looms over is "Am I responsible or is it just another phase?". To be honest, I don't know.

To cut a long story short.....

All "good stories" begin with "Once upon a time..............". The first impression that this simple phrase conveys to my mind is that the story is probably going to be a very long one. And if this particular phrase is followed by "It was a time when....." within a few lines I am of the opinion that it is going to be a story with very lengthy descriptions. But as they say when in doubt take the safest path. So here I begin my tale with the conventional :
"Once upon a time..." I was a kid. Everyone was a kid once. What I am trying to imply is that I was a kid at heart. Some may wonder what on earth do I mean by a kid at heart. There are so many kids who act as if they are 60 years old, kids who carry a look of an illustrious member of some wise council, and kids who have such a boring life that even Boredom gets bored staying with them. These are actually kids with an old heart. On the other hand we have enough examples of old people enjoying life as if they were a kid. Playing pranks, enjoying the small and silly things in life. These are old men with the heart of a kid. I must not get carried away and make this story long just as the first line suggests. So I'll continue with my story.
"It was a time when..." my heart was a kid!! It may even be a kid now but it lately it has caught the habit of throwing tantrums and being as unpredictable as a teenager. I was afraid my heart was growing up and would soon grow old. I was afraid that it would stop me from enjoying and appreciating the little things. I was afraid it would stop being silly! Little did I know that I was soon to be proven wrong.
Just when the cloud cover was darkest, a ray of sunshine broke through it. My heart did something so silly that I was convinced it would never grow up. It changed its allegiance. Instead of obeying me it became a mercenary and started beating for someone else. Every time that person was near it skipped a beat and danced about playfully, without considering for one moment how difficult it was getting for me. Some might say that this is not really silly at my heart's part. But others don't know my heart as well as I do. If you have ever taken a kid to a candy shop you would know how difficult it is to exercise control. The greedy kid keeps on changing his sweet demands every two seconds. One moment he wants the orange one and the next moment he wants the mango candy too!! The same goes for my heart as well. Always behaving like a kid, it kept changing its demands. Lately it had stopped asking me for any candy at all which was a reasonable reason to worry. But now that it has once again made a demand, a so unreasonable and silly demand which only a kid can make, I am convinced that it was only behaving itself to ask for the most expensive gift.
Now that it has been denied its request, it has again started acting silly. It makes me do things I used to do as a kid. here is how the list goes,

 

1) Locking some poor guy in the toilet 

2) Climbing on an escalator that is coming down  

3) Reading "Goosebumps" and "Noddy" 

4) Irritating people with stupid questions 

5) Making prank calls to unknown numbers 

6) Drawing horrible sketches of food items  

7) And singing publicly in my not so melodious voice. 

8) ************************ ****************:- things which I cannot mention on this blog :)

Now I wont stretch this any longer. But I feel the need of issuing a warning in public interest that makes them aware that a grown up boy with a loony heart may spoil their day.

PS: All good stories end with "And they lived happily ever after....". Couldn't squeeze it in the main body so excuse me for adding it in the post script.

A Little Something....

Sometimes you hurt me,
Sometimes you make me cry,
Quite often you make me laugh.
Sometimes you tease me,
Sometimes you irritate me,
But much more often you bring a smile on me.
In times of pain and in times of pleasure,
You've been so invaluable, a real treasure.
I can't express how much I value you,
Hence this feeble attempt to praise you.

A small rhyme in honour of a person who has been a pillar of support. A small something for my lovely angel :)

 A chatter box with a naughty head,

A prankster many of us dread,

That is what you are my bubbly girl,

But still you are a very sweet girl,

An intelligent brain and a forgiving heart,

Make me admire you my dear sweetheart.

A charming smile on a cherubic face,

And a jolly gait so full of grace,

A silly song that tells a cheery tale,

That melodious voice like a nightingale,

The shining qualities that you possess,

Exhilarate me more than I profess.

A teddy bear that rests beside my pillow,

A cuckoo that sings seated on the willow,

A vanilla ice cream with lots of chocolate chips,

The little things that bring a smile on my lips,

I'll forfeit them all to be with you my dear,

                          Oh! I want you to be so much near..

PS: Anyone and everyone who reads this must comment and let me know their views :)

The Face

"God has given you one face, and you make yourself another."

William Shakespeare

I never agreed with Shakespeare more than I do now. God sculptured an "innocent face" for all homo sapiens. Just take a look at an infant's face and you'll know what I mean. The face of an infant is always innocent. That is because he trusts everyone and loves everyone. He is yet to come across deceit, hatred, jealousy , ego and the many other darker vices of life. As he grows older and learns from his experiences his face changes. 

I am not talking about the changes brought about by age. I am talking about the "quality" of the face. I described the infant's face as an "innocent one". Innocence is his quality. We humans have far more keener senses and sound instinct than most of us credit ourselves with. The moment we look someone in the face we form an opinion about the person in our subconscious. This opinion is free from any bias due to the person's attire or any knowledge about his history. I am not saying that Sherlock Holmes lies dormant inside all of us. We all know that looks can be deceptive. A murderer may have a cherub-like face and an altruist may have a very repulsive face. After all its what we do that defines us and not our face.

But the face is how we are known. Just look around yourself and you'll find a different quality in each face. An honest face, a dishonest face, a cruel face, an ancient face, an expressionless face, and so on. The look on the face also creates an impression. A smiling face, a sad face, a lonely face and face which give you a cold calculating look ( The one described in almost all thriller novels) Each face creates an impression in your mind. The real person may be much more different than that impression but you'll only find out when you interact. My point is what you are inside is reflected on your face. Some people hide it by wearing a mask. Whatever it is the face we see is not the one that God gave man, but what the man sculptured for himself by becoming what he is through his actions.

Friends for life.

I never got along well with her in the beginning and was mostly rude with her.But still owing to our mutual friends we were thrown together a lot. We were together at school and she seemed a serious, studious, and a boring person. We seldom talked, and sometimes our mutual friends had to act as messengers. It was funny that the more we tried to avoid each other the more we came across each other. As time passed we began to tolerate each other. The more I got to know her, I knew there was more than what meets the eye about this girl. And very slowly the seed of friendship was sown. We talked frequently, we shared our problems and sometimes even our dreams. I could never have predicted that we could become such good friends. We are there for each other when either of us is in trouble. She has so many layers, sometimes she is quiet and reserved but sometimes she is loquacious. Sometimes she'll do crazy stuff that'll make you laugh and you'll never know what to expect next. She has her own way of looking at things, which is sometimes too innocent and sweet. She is the most forgiving person I've ever known. But the most striking thing about her is her sense of independence. She is and will always remain a free bird soaring high in the skies.